It was easy to make an idol of the thing I went without.
It was easy to let it silence me when I should have spoken out.
I should have spoken, so many times but I didn’t. I shrank.
Smaller and smaller and hidden within myself.
Running from truth, Running from conviction with my hands
Held over my ears so that I couldn’t hear
I couldn’t do what you wanted me to do
I couldn’t face the truth and consequences
of my words.
I took on heavy loads instead
Rules and regulations made by men’s hands
Burdens so great they bent me to the ground
Hands over my ears, never hearing
The Voice that was calling me to lay them down.
You weren’t looking for perfection
You wanted the dumb thing
With its hands around my throat
That I clutched too close
afraid to let go
You wanted my heart
All of it.
You warred with me.
Because you loved me
Because you are Love and War and Jealous, God!
And many waters will not quench love
Not even the wooden hands around my heart
You send fire and water,
The Burning Consolation
Of your Spirit.
And just like that I’m free.
Free to walk with you
by your Spirit Strength
not by my own power
but resting in Yours.