Reflections on my (sorta) Birthday

I am 36 years old tomorrow. Yesterday, my four year old gave me a gift that made me smile. She found one of my old journals, in fact, it was one from 10 years ago. There were angst filled pages wondering whether Shane was really interested in me or I was just deluding myself and chasing fantasies. To be fair, he did not give much indication of interest until the moment he asked me to marry him.  The journal ended right after Shane proposed.

There are other journals. Years I agonized over God’s will for my life, over troubles in my family, over a long seeming season of singleness, over marriage,  over the determination that I might not be able to have children, over leaving full time work to come home, over becoming a foster parent, over the behaviors of kids I was working with, over God’s purposes in it all. All the things I agonized over eventually resolved.

The old journal was a timely gift. I always feel deeply thankful when I look at the things a struggled with and wrestled with in the past and see God’s hand of provision. It was timely, because yesterday afternoon we got word that Shane’s job is up in the air again.

Shane has the wrong classification for the job he is doing. If another job can be found at his classification, he’ll be moved to another office. If not, he may not have a job. I can look at my old journals and know this is just another time of uncertainty while we watch God’s plan unfold. I am praying that Shane can be reclassified and remain in his job. I am imagining futures where we cultivate some home businesses while Shane looks for work (like, if I can replace the cracked screen on my tablet, what’s to stop me from buying broken tablets on ebay, repairing, and reselling them?). I have learned from past experience that this is the time to rest. (like, one time, when we were looking at a loss of income, I bought the materials to build a greenhouse, but never ended up putting the work in to make it a viable business) It is time for me to wait and see. Some day I will affirm “It was the Lord’s doing and it is marvelous in our eyes”

Today, I will take the kiddos to get their pictures taken (free at Augasta Co-op). I will enjoy a slow day with my husband. We will eat hamburgers and homefries and drink hard cider and watch Dr. Who. I do have some Big Hairy Audacious Goals for the future, but they are not for this season, while our family is young.

What I have accomplished in Life

I have the awesome privilege of teaching five amazing human beings to live life.

I have had thousands of random encounters with people that may have made their day just a little bit better.

We are working on fixing up an old farmhouse, and it is coming along well.

I have loved well.

What I have learned

Money can’t buy quality of life, or anything that is really important, for that matter. Everything you want requires a sacrifice of some sort.

Sometimes the long way around is better

Life is not a competition, it can be a race against yourself, but every individuals circumstances are so unique that it is impossible to compare

I don’t have time or the mental energy to hold grudges.

Current goals

Keep my house reasonably clean, children well loved

pray more, encourage more

loose weight. Run a 5K. Working on this one, was sidetracked by a  painful autoimmune problem.

learn Java (the programming language)

My Big Hairy Audacious goals for Someday

adopt more children when these ones get too big, because kids are amazing

write books

start an afterschool tutoring program in our community. branch out into daycare and adult education.

Things I Still Want to learn

to be a better writer

programming language  and more computer repair. I also want my kids to learn these.

enough about sewing to help some of my interested children learn about it

 

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2 thoughts on “Reflections on my (sorta) Birthday”

  1. Beautiful post, Kim! I’ve enjoyed reading many of your posts since you’ve been linking them to facebook. They are always encouraging, funny and I can many times relate so very well to what you’re saying. It was also a blessing for us to see you and your family over the weekend and to have the opportunity for our kids to play together! Your five girls are beautiful and sweet. We surely will be praying for Shane’s job and that God will provide real job stability and all that your family needs. Grace and peace to you!

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